The Morning After
by AmandaBarry
Summary: Lee and Amanda reflect on their pasts with the new perspective of being in love. Some reminiscing, reflection, and foreshadowing.
1. Waking up

Amanda opened her eyes slowly, and blinked a couple of times to focus. She saw two champagne glasses, not quite empty, and a small bouquet of flowers in the champagne bucket on the other side of a room that wasn't hers. She smiled as she lingered on memories of her first night as Mrs. Stetson.

She realized a light touch on her shoulder had woken her. She turned over, seeing Lee propped on one elbow as he gently drew patterns on her bare back. "Hey, you" she said.

"Hey yourself," he said. When Lee saw Amanda without make-up, very messy hair, sleepy eyes, he decided he was looking at the most beautiful woman In the world.

"Sleep well?" he asked, as she turned to kiss him and settle on his shoulder. "Well, when I slept, I slept well." She looked at him and he grinned. "Kept you up late, did I?"

"Mmmhm. You could say that," she sighed and put her head down. As they lay there, in a palpable after glow, she started to laugh softly.

"What?" he asked. She shook her head. "Nothing."

"No, really, what is it?"

"I was remembering when we met in the train station, and I was in my nightgown. Did I ever tell you that?"

"That you were in your nightie? Oh I knew it," he said.

"You did not!" she said.

"Oh yeah," he replied. "There I was, running away from the KGB in Union Station, carrying information vital to national security, when I saw this woman coming my way. 'That's it!" I thought. 'The woman in her nightgown and overcoat can save me.' I mean, who wouldn't trust a woman in a train station in her nightgown?"

"I don't believe you. My coat covered it up. You had no idea."

"No? It was a light blue, long, with lacy stuff at the neck and sleeves," he answered. "I knew what I was doing. It's my favorite nightgown of yours." He closed his eyes and smiled wistfully.

"Liar. I've never worn it around you," she sniffed.

He grinned again and turned to her. "Exactly." He lifted the covers and gazed appreciatively at his wife. "Who needs nightgowns anyway?" She rolled her eyes affectionately and kissed her husband.

"However, you never told me why you were there in the first place. In your nightgown."

"I was dropping Dean off to catch a train," she replied.

"Dean," said Lee thoughtfully. "Whatever happened to him, anyway?"

"He got a job in New York and married someone his mother approved of more than me."

"Ah yes, when you had amnesia and missed your luncheon date. Surely a car accident and head injury were good reasons to miss lunch?" Lee asked. He had never quite let go of the guilt that she was on a supposedly harmless errand for him when the car accident took away her memory. Actually, when he thought about it, there were many times in their first year he felt guilty about, when she was in far more danger than she should have been for someone so new. He shook his head to himself and turned his attention back to Amanda.

"It wasn't just that. I was divorced and had a job - sort of - and that just isn't done in Dean's family," she replied. "Believe it or not, he's a bit of rebel In his own way. Didn't follow in his dad's business, didn't marry right away, dated a divorcee with a job and two kids."

Lee whistled. "Dean. Who knew? The fisherman in plaid."

"What are you talking about? Plaid and fish?"

"Don't you remember when you gave me his coat when I was supposed to be dead? When we went to that dive hotel?" You know, the first time we went to bed." Although they were fully clothed that night, Lee remembered being acutely aware of Amanda's body next his under the ratty covers in that flophouse. "Our first time under cover," he smirked, "or so to speak . . ."

Amanda shivered and sat up. "Oh god - that awful place. I wanted to shower for a week after that man walked in on us. Ugh." It was awful, but, she would never admit this out loud, there was a slight thrill to pretending that there was a lot more going on under those tattered sheets.

She turned to him. "And yes, that jacket was ugly. But how did you know Dean liked to fish?"

Lee raised his eyebrows. "How quickly they forget," he sighed. "Our first house, too."

Amanda shook her head.

He sat up and kissed her shoulder. "The first time we lived together - and you became a Connie Beth Girl. You hung a picture of him with some monster fish on our kitchen wall." He still remembered this case with great fondness. He didn't realize it at the time, but he was witnessing the best and the worst of the suburban life that Amanda led.

Her face cleared. "Oh my, I had forgotten about that."

"I'm hurt," said Lee with the slightest of pouts. "We were such a charming couple, too."

"Oh I remember that," she said. "I remember you showing off your chest before you sauntered off to bed."

He laughed mischievously. "As I recall it was you who had lascivious thoughts about having an affair."

Amanda shook her head. "I was pretty naive back then." Naive, maybe - but Lee wasn't wrong. The picture of him with his shirt open stayed with her for a very long time - a lot longer than the photo of Dean and his fish.

"Maybe," he said, "about some things, but you were the one who figured out what Bouchard and his Connie Beth outfit were up to. It was impressive. You were impressive." He shook his head. "When you grabbed the hairspray and blinded him . . .I'm not sure there are many trained agents who would have thought of that. They'd all be interested in the hand-to-hand approach."

"And that's when you fell for me, right?"

"It was one of many times . . . my love." Lee lay back down and chuckled. "That assignment drove Francine nuts. She couldn't figure out if we were actually playing 'man and wife.' I had way too much fun keeping her guessing," he said, thinking about telling Francine of his newly-found admiration for the 'generosity and stamina of the suburban housewife.'

"You're terrible. Now we spend our time trying to convince her we aren't together, never mind married," said Amanda. "Francine. I always thought she didn't like me because I was the one who found her drugged and giving secrets to the Soviets through those awful cooking lessons with that horrid woman."

Well," Lee said thoughtfully, "Francine doesn't like what she doesn't understand, and she doesn't understand you." He added, "let's face it, the only one who really saw your potential was Billy."

Amanda blushed. "I'm sure I was more of a hindrance than a help, at least at the beginning."

"You certainly were," Lee replied.

"Excuse me," Amanda said, with a touch of indignation, "This is where you say something like 'oh, no Amanda, you were great.' Or something."

"Sorry, sweetheart," he said, kissing her gently. "But that was what made Billy such a genius. He knew I was headed for a dark place, and by making me watch out for you, I'd have to come out of myself. However," he mused, "I don't know if he thought I'd fall in love with you."

"A dark place," said Amanda, putting her head down. "You seemed so, I don't know, alone, like glass - strong enough until someone hit it in just the right way, in just the right place."

"And you," said Lee, "always seemed like a stiff breeze would blow you off center, yet you always came back, stronger than before."

She shrugged. "It hurt when Joe and I broke up. But it wasn't a sudden kind of hurt like a blow. It was more the pain that comes when you suddenly realize you have a bruise or a scab and you have no idea how it got there. Not immediate. More like a something you slowly get use to."

His face clouded. "I was a mess after Jack was killed."

Amanda gently touched Lee's face. "I don't know if you ever told me what happened."

Lee looked away, focusing on a place far beyond their conversation. "It's pretty simple. We were at a stakeout, watching the home of a domestic spy - an American we suspected of dealing arms with the Soviets. It was late, our thermos ran out, so we flipped a coin to see who would go out for more coffee. It was freezing, and the car was warm, and I lost. And I did something an agent should never do - left my partner alone without back-up. I didn't take my gun - too much trouble, I thought, for such a short walk." He stopped and blinked a few times.

Amanda didn't say anything, waiting for Lee to be able to talk. Finally, he took a deep breath.

"It all happened very fast. I was coming back and saw a car coming the other way. Headed right for me. Jack knew I wasn't armed and jumped out. He never had a chance-they shot him as soon as he was out of the car and then they rammed him into our car. If I had been armed, if I had stayed in the car . . ."

"You might have been killed, too," said Amanda.

He looked at her sharply. "I should have been. Jack had a family-his parents, a brother and a fianceé. I was alone. It didn't seem fair."

Amanda looked straight into his eyes. "And when is it fair?"

He shook his head - unable to answer, he let himself be wrapped up in her warm embrace, knowing that whatever had gone before, he was meant to be here, now, with Amanda. Little did he know how much her question and this moment would haunt him in the days ahead.


	2. Room Service?

Amanda pulled herself away from Lee and sat up, swung her legs over the bed. "Hey, where are you going?" Lee asked. She turned to look at him, smiling at his rather handsome face. She leaned in to kiss him. "Just to the bathroom," she laughed. "Stay put."

She pulled on a satiny, sheer robe that didn't hide a lot. Lee looked at her, knowing she could have put on an oversized flannel robe and she would have been just as appealing.

"I've always wanted to say that," she said. "I hope you listen to me better than I listened to you," as walked toward the elegant bathroom.

He grinned and laid back down, thinking of all the times he had wanted her to stay put and feeling grateful she seldom obeyed.

She was full of surprises, his Amanda. Even in bed. Especially in bed. He always figured, if they were ever together, that he would be the teacher. After all, he had had plenty of practice. Admittedly smug, he thought she would be naive and tentative. Or the opposite, wild and unleashed. Both fantasies had kept his imagination busy for the better part of . . . well a long time.

She was neither. With other women he was sated, or at least satisfied, exhausted and occasionally disappointed, but always in control. It was he who led the way, unless of course, he decided to be the follower. But with Amanda he felt content, relaxed. Somehow it wasn't about him, or even about her. It was about them together.

"Lee, have you seen the bathroom?!"

"Only in the dark. Why?" He looked puzzled.

"Well, it's huge! I've never seen anything like it! It's bigger than my kitchen! I don't know who would ever need that much room. Everything is gold. And the bathtub. It's like a king-size bed. I think it may be a hot tub."

"Of course it's a hot tub, and yes it's built for two. I'll show you after breakfast," he grinned. He was enjoying showing Amanda the luxuries of life.

Her eyes narrowed. "For a guy on a government salary, you know a lot about this place," she said."Come here often?"

"Perks of undercover work. Sometimes you're an out-of-work bum and sometimes a suave, debonair rich guy," he said. "I'm just lucky the latter comes naturally," he said, winking at her and tossing his head.

"Right. If you say so," she dismissed his pose as she sat on the bed. "It's not that hard, you know. Remember Victoria Greenwich?" She smiled, a faraway look in her eyes. "She was fun. The clothes and jewels . . ." She sighed and looked at Lee who looked troubled. "What's wrong?"

"I hated everything about that case. I lost control the moment I left you alone and Quickie Chick guy pounced. Every time I made a move something stupid would happen."

He gently moved her hair away from her eyes and stroked her cheek. She kissed his hand as it approached her lips.

"I came so close to losing you, you almost . . ." He stopped, remembering his pounding heart and tightening fear as he carried her from Delano's house to the ambulance.

"Died." Amanda said. He nodded. "Well, it certainly wasn't the last time, Scarecrow," she said playing with the hand that was gently caressing her. "But it made me realize it wasn't a game. I had never been so terrified of another human being as I was of Hollander. I couldn't believe anyone could have so little regard for human life."

Lee looked at her, thinking how Amanda had made him see that their work wasn't just about abstract governments, blueprints and weapons, but about real people, real lives.

"I learned a lot on that case," Amanda mused. She looked at Lee, who raised his eyebrows. "Like what? How not to wear a wire?" He remembered very well how annoyed he felt when she angrily gave back the broach microphone during an argument.

"Well, I know that was wrong, I was just angry with you for not believing that I could pull it off," she said slightly sheepish. "No, I mean it was the first time I realized how easy it was to become someone else, and that it can influence how people react to you."

She looked at Lee. "Does that make sense?"

"Absolutely. Good agents know how to use personas to get the information and access they need. The hard part can be separating yourself from your cover."

He laughed quietly to himself, reminiscing.

"Okay, what did I miss?" she asked. "What's so funny?"

"You." He said, pulling her down. "At the Cumberland, under cover as my wife again, and yet bound and determined to keep me out of your bed. When we were after Jay Armin. You were adorable."

"Ah yes." She looked at him. "If I knew then what I know now..." She sighed.

"Yes?" said Lee, raising his eyebrows and cocking his head.

"You still would have stayed on the couch." She pulled back the covers and snuggled in beside him.

"Amanda. You made it sound like every time a man and woman are undercover as a couple they are automatically having sex, regardless of their real relationship."

"Are you telling me that they don't?" She looked at him. "And you never did?"

Lee had the grace to blush slightly. "Yes. I mean no, I never . . ." He groaned. "Why are we talking about this?"

He sighed. "Look, you know I'm not a saint," he said, sitting up. "I never claimed to be one. And yes, I've been in situations with female agents where we . . ." he stopped.

Amanda raised her eyebrows. "I get it," she said. "I'm sure I was one of the few to say 'no' to your charms."

"Well, at least now you admit I had some appeal," he replied, smiling slyly.

"Stop. You always knew I had a thing for you," she said.

"No." he said. "No I didn't. You were never overt, never obvious. Believe me, I know obvious. When I was with Francine . . . " He stopped, as Amanda turned to him expressionless, waiting. There was a knock at the door.

"Oh, good. Breakfast." Lee got up and grabbed the hotel robe. "I'm starved. How about you?"

Amanda smiled as she pulled her robe around her. "We're not done with this conversation, mister." She thought, but did not say. "Not yet."


	3. Breakfast

While the hotel waiter brought in the cart and began setting up their breakfast at the table, Amanda went into the bathroom to brush her hair and freshen up a bit. When she returned, Lee was just putting an orchid into a small crystal vase before placing it on the table. He turned and with a flourish pulled out her chair.

"Your breakfast, Mrs. Stetson," said Lee. Amanda smiled and said "Why thank you, good sir," as she sat down to a bowl of fresh fruit.

"You know," he said, as he sat down across from her, "I feel like you've had that name a lot longer than just since yesterday."

"What do you mean?" She asked as she bit into a strawberry.

"Well, all the times we were undercover as a married couple," he replied, as he took covers off dishes of eggs and bacon and toast. "Like the Bouchard case in Betsy Ross Estates and the Cumberland. And the cruise."

He poured two cups of coffee. "Here's a question for you. When did we first kiss?"

"What?!"

"Kiss. You know, smooch. Lock lips. Learn another tongue."

"You sound like a ninth grader." Amanda put her spoon down. "I suppose you would say at the office, after they arrested Tony Martinet. For me, when you kissed me in my backyard after the Sali case was the most romantic. Stealing it before my mother came out." Amanda sighed, a dreamy look in her eyes.

"Wrong on both counts." He said, helping himself to more bacon. "Don't you remember the late, great Sandy Newcombe, sneaking out of training camp to flirt with his favorite reporter?"

"No fair." She said. "That was work. I thought you meant a real kiss, not one we had to do to keep our cover."

"Remember what I said about undercover work? Separating the real and the make-believe?" he asked. "By the time we were in your backyard I was long past past faking it. It just got harder and harder to keep the undercover kissing separate from kissing Amanda King."

Amanda blushed.

"At least by the time we were on the cruise I got the message and made sure we had separate beds."

"Hmm," she said, helping herself to eggs, "about that." She buttered a piece of toast. "Wasn't Francine supposed to go with you to the Cumberland? She was sick or something?"

"Yes, she was." He raised his eyebrows. "Where are you going with this?"

"Nowhere, really. Just wondering how she would have handled the bedroom situation."

Lee didn't say anything, concentrating very hard on his breakfast.

"Lee," said Amanda. "Come on."

"Why is this so important to you? That was a long time ago."

"I work with Francine everyday," she replied. "And I'd like to know more about her. Where she's coming from."

He sat back and looked at her for a few minutes. "What do you want to know?"

"Oh, what she's like when she's on assignment, in the field." Amanda was paying very close attention to the jam she spreading on her toast. "And . . . off the field. Socially." She looked up at Lee. His face was inscrutable.

"Oh, Lee," she said, suddenly contrite. "I'm sorry. It's really none of my business."

Lee sighed. "No, it's okay. I don't want secrets between us."

He took a deep breath. "All right. It's not very complicated. We were stationed together twice abroad - once in Singapore and once in Panama. They are pretty small operations - not a lot of staff. We did a lot of work together." He stopped.

"And?" Amanda prompted.

"And we probably played as hard as we worked." He hesitated again. "Are you sure you want hear this? It really was a long time ago. And things were different. **I **was different."

"Well, I don't need all the gory details," she said. "But it's part of your history."

"As long as you understand it really is history, not any part of my present, **our** present."

"I do understand, but it's still part of who you are."

Lee sighed again as reached for his coffee cup, holding it in both hands, talking almost more to himself than Amanda.

"Yes, we slept together - sometimes while on assignment, sometimes not. Then when both ended up here in the DC office . . ."

"You broke up?" asked Amanda.

"Not really. We just kind of drifted away from each other. We weren't really ever together - not a couple. There was never anything to break up." Lee put his cup back on the table. "There you have it."

"Sounds kind of sad to me," said Amanda.

Lee shrugged. "It probably is sad. We were both loners, both a little damaged, taking a bit of refuge where we could."

"And now?" Amanda asked.

Lee took her hand. "Now there's you. And me. And that's all I care about."

Amanda smiled. "Not alone anymore."

"Nope." Lee kissed her hand. "It's a whole new world."

"Poor Francine," said Amanda. "I hope she finds someone. What did you mean damaged?"

"I thought you already knew a lot - from when you bonded in the freezer at Marvelous Marvin's seminar."

"About chocolate. We bonded about chocolate," she said. "We were too lightheaded and cold to tell our life stories. Although," Amanda paused, "she did tell me not to expect you to come riding in on a white horse to to rescue us."

Lee grinned. "Well, maybe not on a white horse . . ."

"And then," Amanda furrowed her brow, trying to remember. "Something about people who just leave." She looked up again at Lee. "She certainly didn't think you would stick around."

"Ah," said Lee thoughtfully. "Well, a little more background. Francine's dad walked out on her and her mother when she was 6 or 7. She never saw him again. Her mother took it really hard. Francine grew up very fast. She's an only child and I think took on a lot responsibility to keep them on their feet."

Amanda's eyes grew very wide. "Oh gosh! I never knew any of that. It explains a lot."

"Uh huh," said Lee. "Remember one of the moles we had to go after in the agency? That turned out to be David Benson? The guy you dated."

"I didn't date him," said Amanda. "We went out once. Because you told me to."

Lee grinned again. "David thought it was a date"

"Never mind," said Amanda. "Finish your story."

"Well," he said. "It was pretty tense. Everyone suspected everyone else. Francine was abnormally uptight. Even for her." He paused. "Turned out her mother was having major surgery and Francine couldn't get back home to be with her. That was about as upset as I've ever seen her." He looked up at Amanda, letting it sink in.

"Soooo. . . " he said. Amanda waited expectantly.

"So, she and I had a lot in common, in how we grew up and how we felt about relationships. It was easy to keep our boundaries up, emotionally, if not physically."

He leaned back in his chair. "Then I met you and all bets were off. You managed to get past or destroy the walls I had so carefully constructed around myself. End of story."

"No," said Amanda. She got up and walked over to Lee's chair and gently sat on his lap. "Thank you for telling me." She kissed him. "It's not the end of the story . . . It's a new chapter in both our lives."

"I like the sound of that." Lee said as scooped up his bride and headed for the bathroom. "Now, about that hot tub . . ."


	4. A Plane to Catch

After a some luxuriant time in the hot tub that was both exhilarating and relaxing, ("How does he do that?" Amanda wondered) the newlyweds began to pack for what was to be a very long journey of heart and soul.

With no idea of what was to come, they began to dress and put their things away. As Lee pulled on his blazer and put the airline tickets in his pocket, he heard an audible sigh. He looked over at Amanda who was holding her open wallet.

"What's wrong?" He asked as he made his way over to the bed where Amanda was organizing her purse. "Did you forget something?"

She looked up, her eyes a little wet. Lee sat down next to her. "Amanda, tell me!"

She wiped her eyes. "It's nothing really," she said with a wan smile.

"What's this?" Lee asked looking at her wallet. The photo section was spread out, showing pictures of Philip, Jamie, and Dottie.

"I see," he said as he put his arm around her. "Homesick already."

Amanda shook her head. "Not really. I just wish . . ." She stopped. "I just wish I could tell them!" She burst out.

"I know, I know," said Lee, gently rubbing her back and kissing her forehead. "This is really hard on you and I'm sorry."

Amanda smiled at him. "It's not your fault, it just is what it is. I wouldn't trade the past 24 hours for anything." The last thing she wanted to do was add to Lee's guilt about hiding their love and now, their marriage.

"Tell you what," he said. "As soon as we are back from our honeymoon we'll start working on a strategy to get this all out in the open. The sooner everyone knows we are together, the better," he said.

Amanda nodded. "Thank you." She started to put the pictures away. "Who would you tell first?"

A long pause as Lee considered her question.

"The Colonel?" she asked.

"I don't know - maybe. It might be the one life choice of mine that he approves. He really likes you. Every time we talk he asks about you."

"Well, I like him as well," she replied.

Lee still looked thoughtful. "Actually, the first person I'd tell would probably be Emily."

"Farnsworth?!" said Amanda, with surprise.

"Yes. Yes, it will be her," said Lee. "No one knows me as well as she does, except maybe you. I'm not sure the Colonel sees me older than 19. But Emily," he mused " would understand better than anyone. I'm pretty sure she won't be too surprised either."

"That's lovely," said Amanda, putting her head on his shoulder. "I would like to be there and see her reaction."

"Speaking of that," said Lee. "I have something for you. I was going to wait, but now is as good a time as any." He walked over to one of his suitcases and began to unzip it.

"Oh, Lee," said Amanda. "We agreed, no wedding presents for each other! I don't have anything for you," she admonished him.

"I think you'll like this - and its more for both of us," he said, taking a large rectangular box wrapped in brown paper out his case and handing it to her.

"Nice wrapping paper," she teased him.

"Yeah, not my thing," he said. "Open it."

"It's not more lingerie, is it? I mean that's really for you anyway." She winked at him.

"I said its for both of us," he said. "Do you want me to open it?"

"Oh no, I've got it." She pulled the paper apart, and turned the box over and shook it a little.

"Definitely too heavy for lingerie, unless you've gone all medieval on me. If it's jewels, I'll need a brace to wear them."

Lee didn't say anything, just looked at her.

She took the lid off the box and moved the tissue paper, revealing a frame. She lifted it out and exclaimed, "Oh my gosh! Is this the sketch of you and me that Emily did in Austria?"

"Yep," he said. "What do you think?" he said a little anxiously.

The glass in the frame would bear a slight scratch as she drooped it on top of the bed to jump up and kiss him.

"It's perfect," she said. "I love you, Lee Stetson."

"The feeling is mutual, Mrs. Stetson." He kissed her soundly. "And now we should go," he said, looking at his watch. "We have a plane to catch!"

As they gathered their things and left the room, Lee took one more look around, taking a mental picture of the past 24 hours with his love. It was a picture he would conjure again and again for some small comfort during the most difficult days ahead.

-end-


End file.
